What do you do when you love your boyfriend, and he breaks up with you.. twice.. How are you supposed to forgive him and give your whole heart to him again after he has crushed it twice?? This is where I'm at. He loves me.. tells me he wants to be with me.. Tells me that he made a huge mistake.. I still love him.. but my heart just isn't in it anymore. How do I put my heart back in it? Do I just have to give up?

There is this other guy, I guess you can call him an ex.. I hooked up with him once. He never called me again. He found me a couple months ago and wanted to apologize and make things right. We've been talking, and been friends. I know I shouldn't trust him again. But he really is a good guy deep down. I mean, he has had his heart broken lots of times.. and when we hooked up, we really didn't know each other very well. He said there was just a wave of emotions after it that he couldn't deal with, so he just didn't. But he says that he can't say how sorry he is. I forgave him a long time ago, so I'm not even upset anymore.

The thing is, when my boyfriend broke up with me, this guy was there to talk to me. He made me feel better, the girl he was dating had just broke up with him too. So we had a lot in common and a lot of things to talk about. Then me and my boyfriend got back together.. things were good for a little bit. Then I told the guy, I think he was upset about it.. but he never said anything. Then a couple weeks later, I was home alone.. and bored. He was there to keep me company. So I don't know how the conversation came to this, but he said how beautiful I was. I thought he was just being nice. I didn't think anything of it. Then a little while later, I don't remember what I said.. but he asked me if I was hitting on him.. I didn't think I was.. Then he said a comment like darn or something. So then it made me think that he liked me.. So I asked him. He said of course he did. This was a total surprise to me. The last thing I knew... I slept with him and he rejected me. I didn't think he liked me like that at all. This totally threw me off. I didn't know what to think anymore. I know liking the fact that someone you thought rejected you, didn't actually reject you is wrong when you have a boyfriend. Thinking about being with this other guy again is really off limits. But there I was.. having these old feelings come back and thinking about another guy.

I feel like an awful person. I kept talking to this guy more and thinking about my boyfriend less. I didn't know what to do. What the right thing to do is. Stop talking to this guy that makes me feel something I haven't felt in a long time? Just be with my boyfriend, and think down the road, "Is this the right choice?" "Will I regret this?" Or break things off with someone I truly love and take a big risk on some guy when it didn't work the first time we tried?

I'm not sure if I made the right decision or not, but as of right now.. me and my boyfriend are on a break. I'm going to go see this guy this weekend. Have dinner, and just talk. See what happens. As much as I feel guilty.. I don't know what else to do....